Ruben and his Friends – entry 46

Friday

I got home late last night from a conference in Aarhus. Ruben and I both took part in it – or should have taken part in it to be precise; we ended up spending more time with each other than with the rest of the participants.

He showed up an hour late and I was so happy to see him. He lit up the room, and when he smiled at me it got even brighter. We were in the same group and did our very best to contribute, but it was as if we were in a parallel dimension – even when we were addressing the group it was as if we were talking to each other. At every break we continued our conversation. We felt out each others’ boundaries and challenged them, smiled and had our own thoughts.

The conference was at Aros Art Museum, so at lunch we took a walk around and looked at the exhibition. We soaked it up like sponges, listening to each other, each of us feeling the other’s presence on an almost spiritual level. As we walked through the rooms of the museum Ruben told me about his two best friends, whom he’s known for 25 years.

One of them is an aesthetic and an architect who finally found the woman of his dreams after battling life and love for years. – He just refused to give up until she said yes, Ruben said.

-          Interesting, I replied.

-          It took five years.

-          Really! And is she everything he wished for?

-          He’s still an idealist and an architect. They’re expecting a baby.

-          Aha, I answered, but I didn’t say what I was thinking.

-          He has a stunning wife.

-          And your other friend?

-          He considers himself a pragmatic, but I think he’s an idealist. He feels a deep solidarity with the weak at any rate. Liberty, responsibility and solidarity – that’s his credo, and he’s worked hard for it. He believes that you can measure the health of a society by how it treats its weakest citizens. But at the same time he’s a pretty materialistic perfectionist.

-          In what way?

-          His standards are high. A perfectionist who can’t come to grips with reality’s grim imperfections. He’s the toughest, but also the most difficult of us three.

-          How so? I asked. I could feel my curiosity being roused.

-          He lives 100%, all the time.

-          It sounds like all three of you do that.

-          Well, he does it the most. He’s a very special person. Often when he offers you advice, it may seem insignificant and understated – but each and every time it turns out to be excellent. We’re all very close. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, Ruben said. – I keep saying things to you I’ve don’t say to anyone else.

-          I have that effect on people, I said with a smile. He smiled back.

-          Can you tell me more about Severin’s world? I asked.

-          It’s a world which is patient with humans and impatient with systems. We belong to the first generation in which women and men both legally and practically have equal opportunities, but we’re still far from our goals – and it would be unrealistic to expect anything different. That’s why patience is so essential: patience for the mistakes that we inevitably make while exploring our many options. Both women and men need to find new legs to stand on, alone and with one another.

-          What exactly do you mean with patience? I asked.

-          Women need to apply for executive positions without asking for permission first. Men need to listen without being asked to first. Women need to perform their executive duties their way. Men need to listen their way. And then we can meet under new circumstances.

-          How are the meetings between men and women then? I asked. I sensed that my own patience was being tried – among other things because my conversational date was becoming more and more attractive as he was standing there in one of Olafur Eliasson’s mirror light sculptures.

-          Everything in Severin’s world serves one purpose: to increase our self-insight so that we can use our talents as well as possible to benefit ourselves and others.

-          That’s why I created my model – to increase self-insight.

-          And you had a good point the last time we talked. You said that your model helps you to see reality and how you relate to it.

-          But how exactly do you go about it?

-          We meet and discuss things, we have parties, we help each other with concrete problems.

-          A little bit like my three men and I?

-          In a way. Severin’s world is a meeting point for people on a quest, people who want to make a difference. People who make an extra effort; who aren’t content with what they have.

-          How often do you meet?

-          It depends.

-          It’s at bit hard for me to define what this world is all about.

-         That’s the point. It isn’t static; you can contribute and influence it with whatever you bring into it.

-          Ok, I’m ready. Where should I come and when? I turned around and looked at him and his infinite reflections in the sculpture.

He smiled and pulled me toward him.

-          You’re already there, he said.

-          Now? I asked. I longed to kiss him, but I didn’t dare take the initiative for fear of breaking the spell.

-          Your first assignment is to tell me what you’d do for the rest of your life – if you could do anything you wanted?

-          I have a better idea: you take me out to dinner at one of Copenhagen’s best restaurants and I’ll tell you.

-          What are you doing on Saturday?

-          Having dinner with you at …?

-          Noma.

-          The waiting list is half a year.

He just smiled.

My father texted that Katrine will be there tomorrow when I come to meet Frederik. I texted back to find out who she was and his reply? “My girlfriend”! I called right away to find out where this Katrine had come from, but he didn’t answer. That means I’m going on a double date with my father! Fortunately it will only be a cup of coffee in the morning. Please don’t let Katrine be Frederik’s mother!!