A Stimulating Conversation – entry no. 42

In the banquet hall at dinner I sat next to the father. I started the conversation by telling him about my online journal as an example of how to use social media. He’s sincerely interested in and it’s a pleasure to discuss my life with such a cultivated man.

-          I like your constructive approach to what happens when love between two people doesn’t work, he said.

-          A lot of people break apart and feel like failures after a divorce, I said.

-          Exactly. A number of our friends have really experienced serious difficulties due to divorce.

-          Imagine what it would be like if people could congratulate each other on having made a healthy decision to end something that didn’t work. In a lot of other contexts, that would be the appropriate reaction.

He smiled and said:

-          Yes, but now I think you’re being a bit naïve. Relationships are the foundation of our society, and you can’t change that with a snap of the fingers.

-          The change is already under way with people saying one thing and doing something else.

-          Hasn’t that always been the case?

-          Yes, for the noblemen and –women who used to roam these halls maybe. But now it’s happening on a larger scale in our society. And I think it’s a healthy development. Imagine a factory or an organisation with an operational model that just didn’t work: you’d change the model. In about 15% of all relationships the relationship model works really well. The rest of the relationships accrue enormous debts, and society ends up spending billions picking up the pieces.

-          Are you trying to start a revolution? He asked, looking at me with detachment.

-          I’m merely describing what I see happening around me, I replied.

-          90% of our energy is used on maintaining what we already have, he countered.

-          Precisely, and that’s why so little energy is invested in finding other models. But you know that; you’ve worked with innovation for years.

-          Innovation requires people to think and look across established boundaries. It frustrates me that it isn’t more widespread than it is; society needs innovation.

-          It will come, I said.

-          And what makes you say that?

-          Because we have more and more sexual partners.

He raised his eyebrows.

-          Having multiple sexual partners teaches you that there are many different ways of doing things. The same goes for living in another culture. All of your standards are challenged: behaviour, clothing, procedures, romantic sensibilities and for that matter ways of having sex. It gives people a chance to look at themselves and their world from the outside, to re-evaluate things and define how they want to live.

The butler came and demanded the estate owner’s attention.

-          You’re a very special woman, do you know that? Said Ruben Pontoppidan. I looked him directly int he eyes and smiled.

Now it’s half past twelve and everyone except Ruben is gone; he’s standing in the corner doing something or other. I can tell it has something to do with me… and my body is beginning to tremble …